For a number of different reasons, feelings, intuitions my partner and I decided to give birth at home in London and not at the hospital. Co-sleeping felt like the natural continuation of this decision in a way.
We bought a co-sleeping cot, the Next to Me, but our little one always ended up in our bed. I’m not saying this is the right choice, but what happened to us as a new family.
The first days it simply felt instinctive to keep Rebecca next to me. I was regularly breast feeding her and I needed to feel her warmth, her skin, her breathing. For a few nights, I would wake up only to stay looking at her.
My understanding is that biology supports co-sleeping. Actually, is there a mammal that doesn’t sleep with its baby? It’s in the animals DNA.
From a medical or paediatric point of view, for many years co-sleeping was frowned upon because it had been associated with sudden infant death. But years ago it was seen after many studies that this was not the case. Co-sleeping in itself is not a bad thing, it turns into something dangerous if it’s not practiced safely. This is key, as I’m sure every new parent who cares now knows.
I’m not a scientist, but studies show that safe co-sleeping:
♥️ promotes breastfeeding,
♥️ reduces baby crying,
♥️ positively regulates breathing,
♥️ regulates body temperature,
♥️ regulates calorie absorption,
♥️ regulates stress hormone levels,
♥️ improves immune status and
♥️ improves oxygenation
That’s a lot of benefits. I must say though, that for me as a new mum the reason felt much more simpler: I just wanted to feel my baby close to me.
Neuroscience also has a say on the matter. According to Nils Bergman, skin-to-skin contact between mom and baby is what should be given, and not doing so hinders breastfeeding (which governs early neurodevelopment). Separating the baby "so that the mother can rest" causes the natural responses of mothering to be disconnected.
With skin-to-skin contact, normal sleep cycles and a calm state of the autonomic nervous system occur. Being one meter away from the mother in a crib is enough to produce in the baby a state of anxiety with a great activation of the autonomic nervous system and a decrease in slow wave sleep (which is necessary for brain neurodevelopment).
What does psychology say (and most of the elder people around us!)? "Get him out of your bed so you guys can have your privacy back." People who say that know little about the neurochemical process that women are going through during the puerperium: the hormone oxytocin is greatly increased, the brain interprets that the woman already has a child and has to take care of her, for which she is not in a position to reproduce (decreasing sexual desire).
And what about the man? According to Michel Odent (one of the most relevant voices in relation to birth), men who are involved in the puerperium also have a significant decrease in libido.
Now, if you really need "privacy" there are always times and places!
As with every matter in relation to raising a baby, there are infinite voices and theories to follow. Co-sleeping felt instinctive to me but not without its up and downs, not without questions. Just before Rebecca turned one, we felt the increase need to have our room for us again and we tried to take care to her own room. She nowadays sleeps her first hours there, and then we bring her to the room. Is this the ideal dynamic for us? No, definitely not, but it is what we can do and what allows us to rest a little bit. If something I learned is that at least with maternity, you can’t do more than what you can.
Are we doing well? I’m not sure, but we are trying to do good for her, for us. And in the meantime, I still enjoy hugging my little baby every night.
By a mother called JR.